Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson met on the set of Saturday Night Live, which is where most modern loves begin. When they shared a kiss during their “Aladdin” sketch in October, the 41-year-old reality star stated she sensed a spark with Davidson. Now, a single kiss isn’t enough to start a relationship. I would have gone to therapy a lot sooner if I had dated every guy I kissed in a steamy bar in college. Pete’s BDE, Kim openly admits, was the one that left her wanting more.
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Because Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson are perhaps the most fascinating pair on the planet, it’s only logical that the public would be interested in learning how they met. It’s a traditional fairytale love narrative in which our protagonists arrive from opposite sides of the globe. Kim grew up in a rich Los Angeles suburb, had an unusual climb to prominence, and is regarded as one of the greatest fashion icons of the twenty-first century. Pete is from Staten Island, and prior to his SNL popularity, he was a cast member on MTV’s Guy Code (I think as a culture we should be talking more about the mid-2010s phenomenon of Guy Code and the subsequent spin-off series, Girl Code).
Every minute of Kim and Pete’s romance was captured by Hulu. When, though, does too much information become much too much?
The fact that heterosexual people cringe is a little-known reality of existence. Farmers’ markets, quirky weddings, and the Le Creuset Dutch oven they recently made a downpayment on are all popular topics among straight people in heterosexual relationships. But what if the straight folks in partnerships are likewise wealthy and well-known? There appears to be no end in sight. Everyone on the planet will be compelled to hear about the ups and downs of this dreadful relationship, and there will be nowhere safe to hide.
Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox are Exhibit A, and probably the horniest of them all. Molly Lambert of GQ released the interview to end all interviews in October, in which MGK and Fox gave one other tattoos, smelled each other’s breath, and hugged in their own “dark fairytale” romance. The two had met at a party in LA a few years before, where they had this straight-out-of-a-Wattpad-fanfiction moment: “I just remember this tall, blond, ghostly creature and I looked up and I was like, ‘You smell like weed.’ He looked down at me and he was like, ‘I am weed’.”
When a woman like Megan Fox is swept off her feet by a line like “I am cannabis,” you know the bar is on the floor. Let’s not even get started on the fact that MGK wears a necklace with a drop of Fox’s blood on it, or that the two drink each other’s blood for “ritual purposes” (because, of course, that’s the only time drinking your partner’s blood makes perfect sense), or that Fox’s engagement ring was apparently designed to cause her pain. It’s worth mentioning that Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker’s bachelor party included a vial of blood. What’s the deal with celebs and blood…and then telling us about it? Please, God, don’t let this be the beginning of a new straight-couple relationship.
Because drinking each other’s blood is classic two-year anniversary terrain, these celebs reveal the most intimate, and cringiest, portions of their relationship with the entire world, and we all just move on like it’s normal.
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Performing relationships has become the new PR ploy for famous personalities whose entire life depends on whether we like them or not – and can come crashing down the minute we realise their money and status naturally places them as out-of-touch. The public display of a relationship — such as going out for ice cream — is more important than the relationship itself since it demonstrates that celebrities are “just like us.” And by appearing to be our pals, those celebrities are able to pitch products to us on social media and get us to watch hours of inane TV shot inside their homes about disagreements you’d only care about if they happened to your personal circle.
It’s an understandable public relations strategy, but the execution is toe-curlingly embarrassing. I don’t need to hear that getting ice cream with Pete made Kim “horny”. I just don’t. Thank U, Next.
